Taoism 
-Shit happens. 
Buddhism 
-If shit happens, it’s not really shit. 
Islam 
-If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah. 
Protestantism 
-Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough. 
Judaism 
-Why does this shit always happen to us? 
Hinduism 
-This shit happened before. 
Catholicism 
-Shit happens because you’re bad. 
Hare Krishna 
-Shit happens rama rama. 
T.V. Evangelism 
-Send more shit. 
Atheism 
-No shit. 
Jehova’s Witness 
-Knock knock, shit happens. 
Hedonism 
-There’s nothing like a good shit happening. 
Christian Science 
-Shit happens in your mind. 
Agnosticism 
-Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t. 
Rastafarianism 
-Let’s smoke this shit. 
Existentialism 
-What is shit anyway? 
Stoicism 
-This shit doesn’t bother me.